Self-care, self-compassion, and a robust support network can help parents avoid burnout when caring for a child with ADHD. Certain parenting strategies and approaches may also help reduce the risk of burnout.
Parenting can bring great joy, but it’s no stretch to say that caring for another human life can sometimes be a significant stressor. When your child has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), the challenges can add up.
New research has found that parents of children with ADHD are more than four times as likely as other parents to experience burnout.
Parental burnout is more than just feeling tired. Some research from 2019 notes that parental burnout includes:
- overwhelming exhaustion
- emotional distancing from your children
- a sense of parental ineffectiveness
Parental support is paramount to the success of children with ADHD. Parental burnout reduces your ability to support your child, and that can make ADHD symptoms worse, creating a challenging cycle.
Here are some ways you can help prevent and manage parental burnout when you have a child with ADHD.
Causes of parental burnout
A 2024 research review identified four categories of factors that can lead to parental burnout:
- Individual factors: your own experiences and how things are going in your life
- Interpersonal factors: your relationship with your child and, if applicable, your partner
- Community factors: the number of children in your household and neighborhood and your social support system
- Cultural factors: your personal and cultural values
Effective ways to manage parental burnout typically address one or more of these categories.
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There’s a direct link between ADHD symptoms and parental stress. One of the most effective ways to reduce the risk of burnout is to limit the potential for your child’s ADHD symptoms to overwhelm both them and you.
A key way to do this is to be proactive about their ADHD management rather than reactive. Consider the following steps:
- Educate yourself: Learn about ADHD, its treatments, and various parenting strategies.
- Communicate with others: Talk with teachers, family, and friends about your child’s symptoms and the ways they can help.
- Anticipate your child’s needs: Learn which types of situations are more challenging for your child. You can then make adjustments to avoid situations that increase their stress and yours.
Parent tip”Bedtime is by far the most stressful part of the day. My son’s medication has worn off by then, and he becomes easily distracted throughout every step of his routine. (I’m not exaggerating when I tell you I say the phrase ‘It’s time to start your shower’ no fewer than 15 times a night.) We’re also all tired by that time of day, so it becomes harder for him to concentrate and easier for me to lose my patience.
”One step we’ve tried to take is moving everything earlier: trying to start dinner earlier to account for him getting distracted during the meal and starting his bedtime routine earlier to provide more grace time for diversions.”
— Chrissie, parent of a 10-year-old with ADHD
The border between support and control can sometimes be a fine line. Still, it’s important that your efforts to support your child don’t turn into trying to control all aspects of their life. This can be exhausting for you, but it also doesn’t help them.
Instead, be sure to give your child the space they need to become their own person and discover things on their own. That doesn’t mean abandoning them or giving them free rein. You can provide the structure for them to make their own decisions.
Providing small moments of agency can reduce their stress and yours. For example, instead of telling them they only have 5 minutes to get ready for dinner, you can ask how much time they need before dinner.
Parent tip“I have to remind myself that as an adult-in-the making, my son needs to learn his own emotional intelligence … So instead of offering to help or apologize for what he’s experiencing, I ask, ‘I wonder what you’ll do about this?’
”Or I converse in the third person — instead of ‘shoulding’ on my son with ADHD, I might say ‘Student-athletes with limited time often find power naps helpful’ or ‘I’ve learned [that] others with ADHD and heavy schedules task-bundle. There’s a TikTok on it. If you’d like to learn more, you can look it up.’”
— Kristin, parent of a 17-year-old with ADHD
It’s easy to focus on your child’s needs and care routines while ignoring your own. But effective support requires you to be at your best, which means taking care of yourself.
Meeting your basic physical needs is an essential first step — are you eating and sleeping well? But you can also employ strategies to boost your emotional and spiritual well-being. Find time for activities that stimulate you intellectually and socially.
You might also want to try some techniques to help reduce stress, such as:
An essential part of self-care is knowing when to take a break. You might need to do that when things get overwhelming, just to give yourself some recovery time. But you don’t need to wait that long.
Consider taking breaks whenever possible to give yourself the energy you need to avoid overwhelming situations. They don’t need to be long — even a 5-minute break in a quiet room can be enough to clear your head.
Parent tip“I try to remind myself I need to take breaks, and my husband and I try to give each other that time to replenish our energy so we don’t burn out or lose our patience as quickly when [our son’s] ADHD symptoms are most active. I’m also working to prioritize my own bedtime routine and sleep quality so I’m better equipped to handle those moments.”
— Chrissie, parent of a 10-year-old with ADHD
It’s helpful to have other people in your corner — family and friends who can offer emotional and practical support.
But it’s also beneficial to connect with other people who are facing similar challenges. Networking with other parents of children with ADHD allows you to share stories and strategies, and it might broaden your network of people who can help in practical ways.
A small 2022 study suggests that parent support groups can help reduce stress and anxiety in parents of children with ADHD.
Behavioral therapy for children with ADHD often involves their parents as well. This type of family therapy can provide tools and strategies to help parents manage stressful moments.
Family therapy can also help children with ADHD better articulate how they’re feeling, which can strengthen the relationship between parent and child.
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Practice grace — both with your child and with yourself.
You will have moments when your child frustrates you or doesn’t do as you want them to. It’s important not to take things personally and to know when to intervene and when to let things go.
Be kind to yourself too. Trying to live up to perceived cultural standards of achievement (what it means to be a “good parent” or have a “successful life”) can contribute to parental burnout.
There will be moments when you don’t feel like your best parenting self — when things aren’t clicking with your child, when they’re not cooperating, or when you lose your cool. Remember that you’re human, forgive yourself, and try again later.
Parent tip“While it’s hard as a parent to maintain my calm, I regularly remind myself what is within my son’s control and what, in that moment, is likely not. This helps me to have more grace and reduce risk for burnout.”
— Megan, parent of a 9-year-old with ADHD
Although your child’s ADHD might cause many challenges for them and for you, it also brings them many positive attributes. It’s a part of what makes them the unique human being they are.
Take time to celebrate your child’s successes. Highlighting the bright spots can not only shift your perspective but also make the relationship between you and your child more positive. This can make requests easier or even make typically frustrating situations seem less bothersome.
Avoiding parental burnout when you have a child with ADHD begins with being proactive about helping them effectively manage their symptoms. Beyond that, it’s important to create some separation. Remember that while you can help them grow, it’s not your job to control them.
It’s also essential to take care of yourself. Parents who practice self-care and self-compassion have less stress and more energy to handle the challenges of parenting a child with ADHD. A strong support network can also help you through the most challenging moments.