Parents with unmanaged ADHD may face challenges with household management and child-parent connections. But some ADHD-friendly parenting strategies can help you stay organized, build strong relationships, and avoid burnout.
Parenting can be both the most rewarding and the most challenging task many people face in life. It’s a 24/7 job, and it’s just about impossible to be at your best all the time.
But for people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), the condition can throw an extra wrench in the works, causing unique challenges. If that’s you, these strategies may help.
ADHD symptoms, such as inattention, disorganization, and impulsivity, may affect your ability to care for your children and manage your household. Here are some examples of the possible effects:
- Child safety: Symptoms related to inattention may make it more difficult for you to monitor your children or keep track of details related to their safety.
- Organizing schedules: Parenting often requires coordinating school, activity, and social schedules, and ADHD symptoms can make it harder to stay on top of everything.
- Managing family logistics: Whether it’s keeping the pantry stocked, planning dinner, or throwing a load of laundry in, there’s a lot to keep track of when children depend on you, and ADHD may present additional challenges.
- Emotional connections: If ADHD makes it difficult for you to regulate your emotions, you may find it hard to be available for the big feelings that your children experience throughout childhood and adolescence. Bonding might also be more difficult for you.
- Keeping calm: Emotional dysregulation and impulsivity can make it hard to keep your cool in stressful situations, such as when disciplining a child or managing a birthday party.
The most important step you can take to reduce the effect of ADHD on your parenting is to ensure that your ADHD is well managed. This may involve medications, behavioral therapy, or both.
But managing ADHD may be easier said than done, especially when you’re prioritizing your children’s needs. A 2020 study found that
Remind yourself that managing your ADHD is an essential part of caring for your child. If you think you have ADHD but you don’t yet have a formal diagnosis, getting one can help you access treatment.
If you take medication, experts recommend using a pillbox and setting alarms to remind yourself when to take it.
Moms and undiagnosed ADHD
ADHD can present differently in people of different sexes. According to researchers, females are more likely to have inattentive-type ADHD and are more likely to have undiagnosed ADHD as children.
For these reasons, many female parents may experience symptoms of ADHD without having a formal diagnosis. They’re also more likely to experience anxiety and depression as part of ADHD.
If you notice symptoms of ADHD, such as frequent inattention or disorganization, consider talking with a doctor or mental health professional.
» MORE: Yes, Adult Women Can Have ADHD
Consider the following strategies to help you stay on top of things when parenting with ADHD.
Organize your home
Get rid of clutter as much as possible, especially in common family areas. Consider using storage bins to keep unnecessary items out of the way and out of mind.
Use visual reminders
Decide which areas of your home are the best places to keep reminders to do certain things. You might want to have a calendar of important events or a bulletin board with a to-do list in a frequently visited area.
If you’d rather work electronically, your phone or computer may be the best place to keep this information. Some people might even prefer to use sticky notes, color-coded for different types of tasks.
Establish routines
Children’s schedules are often rooted in routine. You can use this to your advantage and build your own routines that complement theirs, such as by setting regular times to do specific chores that coincide with your child’s needs.
For example, if you know that their soccer matches are on Thursday evenings, you might wash their uniforms and the rest of their laundry each Wednesday. Or you pack school lunches at 7:00 a.m. each morning because their bus leaves at 7:45 a.m.
Plan ahead
Parenthood is full of surprises. Things will come up that you’re not prepared for. But you can make sure you’re as prepared as possible for all the rest so that things run smoothly most of the time.
Consider scheduling time on your calendar to plan your meals for the week and your shopping list. That way, you won’t have to confront indecision or be forced to improvise meals at the last minute.
What children need from their parents can change over time. Consider the following tips to help you address new challenges you may face as your children grow up.
Newborn and infant stages
According to a 2021 study, the first year of a baby’s life can be especially stressful for parents with ADHD. One of the most significant contributors to this stress is lack of sleep, which can trigger ADHD symptoms. If you have a partner, you may find it helpful to coordinate with them to ensure that you both get enough sleep.
One significant challenge is that you typically need to meet babies’ basic needs on demand rather than on a set schedule. You can compensate for this by taking steps to prepare for when your baby needs you.
Another concern at this stage is general safety. Consider planning ahead by having an action plan and a list of emergency contacts in case of accidents.
Early childhood (preschool)
As children grow up, they need more meaningful interactions with their parents as part of healthy bonding. This means you’ll need to make yourself available. Consider scheduling playtime free from distractions (such as your phone) to make sure you both benefit from this time together.
As disciplining becomes more challenging, consider crafting lists of potential consequences or responses to situations. This will help you prepare for those situations and make it easier for you to manage your emotions.
Middle childhood (elementary school)
When children start school, their schedules become busier. They also form more social relationships and join activities, adding even more to their (and your) calendars. Visual organizing tools can be especially helpful here. You can set aside time each week to review the calendar and make sure you have a handle on all the upcoming commitments.
Children might also need your help with their homework. Setting aside specific times when you’ll be available to help them and free from other distractions can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Adolescence
Teens often have more rigorous schedules, but you can also afford them more independence. Still, this comes with its own challenges.
Conflict with your child can become more frequent and intense during adolescence. Consider setting clear boundaries and expectations. But it may also be helpful to “pick your battles” to avoid becoming overwhelmed in some situations.
If you have a partner, consider how you divide your parenting duties. Be open with each other about your strengths and weaknesses and how those can inform which duties you take on.
For example, if you have difficulty with punctuality, your partner may be better suited to taking your child to appointments while you offer to handle other tasks. And if you’re having difficulty managing your emotions one evening, maybe you can make dinner while your partner helps your child through a behavioral issue.
You can also seek support from other sources, such as:
- older adolescents in your family who can take on some tasks
- other family members or friends
- other parents with ADHD in support groups
- an ADHD coach with experience in parenting
- a behavioral therapist
Just as it’s important to manage your ADHD, it’s important to take time for yourself. You might experience burnout (a state of mental and physical exhaustion) if you feel overwhelmed by your symptoms and situation.
Be sure to prioritize your essential needs, such as nutrition and sleep. But also take care of your mental health by ensuring that you have time for activities that bring you peace.
Although ADHD causes some challenges in daily life, it can also have some benefits. It may offer you increased energy, creativity, or hyperfocus that can help in various aspects of parenting.
Emphasizing these characteristics in your interactions with your children can help you bond with them. If you have a partner, talk with them about how to best use these qualities as you divvy up duties between the two of you.
Research suggests that ADHD tends to run in families. This means that if you have ADHD, your child may be more likely to develop it.
Raising a child with ADHD presents its own challenges, which can be compounded if you have unmanaged ADHD.
However, your experience of the condition may be a plus. A
Still, it’s important to acknowledge that your child’s experience with ADHD may be different from your own. It’s best to seek help from a professional who can find the treatment plan best suited to your child.
Family therapy may also be an effective way for your whole family to learn strategies to help each other through challenges.
Unmanaged ADHD can make parenting especially challenging. If ADHD symptoms are affecting your life as a parent, consider reaching out to a healthcare professional for treatment.
Beyond medication and therapy, several ADHD-friendly strategies, such as advanced planning, home organization, and visual reminders, may contribute to more effective parenting. Also, be sure to build up your support network, whether that includes a partner at home or other people who can offer emotional and practical help.