Leaving an abusive relationship can feel isolating and scary. Having a safety plan in place can help make the process easier.

Leaving an abusive relationship can feel frightening, especially if you feel unsafe. It’s important to remember that you deserve to live a safe and happy life.

Many support options are available to help you on this journey if you do choose to leave.

It can also help to have a safety plan in place, such as identifying a safe place to get to if the situation becomes dangerous and keeping an emergency bag ready if you need to leave quickly.

If you or a child are in immediate danger, you should call 911 or your local emergency services immediately.

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If you’re deciding whether to leave an abusive partner, it’s important to be kind and patient with yourself. A 2022 study found that it can often take several attempts before someone leaves an abusive relationship.

It’s important to remember that you deserve to live a safe and happy life.

It can be helpful to consider the following when deciding whether to leave an abusive relationship:

  • There is no guarantee that your partner will change: Even if you hope they will change or they have promised to stop their behavior, there is still no guarantee they will.
  • Abuse can lead to long-term health effects: Experiencing any type of abuse, such as violence, negligence, or emotional abuse, can lead to negative long-term effects on both your physical and mental health.
  • You are not to blame: Abusers often use tactics like manipulation or gaslighting to make someone feel as though the abuse is their fault or that they deserve it. It’s important to remember that abuse of any kind is never your fault. You are not responsible for an abuser’s actions or emotions.
  • You deserve to live a life free from fear: Above all, you deserve to feel safe and live a life without fear. Remember, you are not alone. Many support options are available to help you right now.

The following organizations offer tools and resources to support people experiencing abuse:

When you’re planning to leave an abusive relationship, it’s crucial to have a safety plan in place. This can help you protect yourself if the situation becomes violent.

In some situations, you may need to leave quickly, so planning in advance may not be possible. However, if you find yourself able to do so, considering the following can help:

Find a safe place

When leaving an abusive relationship, it’s vital to have a safe place you can easily get to if the situation becomes dangerous. It’s important that your partner does not know the location of your safe place.

A safe place could be:

  • the home of a loved one, such as a friend or family member
  • a neighbor
  • a local police or fire station
  • a nearby hospital

Shelters can also provide support and a safe place to stay. While they can only provide temporary accommodation, they can help you understand your next steps and find permanent housing.

Many shelters also provide free child care and can arrange for a cab to pick you up if you don’t have access to transport. Find a shelter near you.

The Safe Haven Project allows you to search for shelters that also take in pets.

Pack a ‘go bag’

A “go bag” refers to an emergency bag that you can grab if you need to leave your home suddenly.

It can be helpful to keep this packed and in a safe space, or keep a list handy so you can grab what you need in an emergency.

When packing your go bag, consider adding the following for both you and any children:

  • spare change of clothes
  • medications
  • working mobile phone and charger
  • credit cards that are in your name
  • cash in case you need to use public transport or a pay phone

It’s also important to pack important documentation for both you and any children, such as:

  • passport
  • birth certificate
  • driver’s license
  • a document that lists your proof of address
  • health insurance paperwork

If you don’t have a safe space to hide your emergency bag, consider keeping it with a trusted friend or relative. You can collect it later once you are safe, or they can drop it off to you.

Document abuse

If you’re experiencing abuse, it’s important to document any abusive events. This can help build a case if you choose to pursue legal action, seek custody of your children, or file for a restraining order.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline recommends the following when documenting abuse:

  • taking pictures of any injuries on a phone (no matter how small)
  • recording the details of incidents, such as what took place, time, and date
  • keeping a journal recording the abuse and how it made you feel, including any statements the abuser made before, during, or after the abuse
  • seeking medical care after physical abuse, even if your injuries are not visible

If you’re able to document the abuse, ensure the method you are using, such as a phone or notebook, can be kept safe and private. If needed, consider leaving it with a trusted loved one.

If you’ve just left an abusive relationship, you may be feeling overwhelmed, scared, or confused about what comes next.

Remember, many support options are available to you. A mental health professional, such as a therapist, can also help you make sense of what you are feeling and understand your next steps.

You may also find it helpful to reach out to a loved one, such as a friend or family member. Having regular check-ins with someone can be helpful as you begin to move forward.

It can take time to heal and move on. It’s important to be patient with yourself during this process. There is no timeline when it comes to healing from an abusive relationship. Instead, focus on small steps and doing what feels best.

Staying safe after leaving an abusive relationship

After you’ve left, you may choose to cut contact. Or, you may need to see them from time to time if you have children together. In this case, it’s important to establish boundaries and do what’s needed to keep you and your children safe.

Organizations such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you understand your options surrounding child contact arrangements.

If you feel unsafe, consider getting a civil order, such as a restraining order, and informing your local authority. It may be helpful to speak with a neighbor or friend about your concerns so they can call for help if needed.

Deciding whether to leave an abusive relationship can take time. It can often feel isolating and scary, especially if you think the situation may become dangerous. However, many support options are available to help you decide and stay safe if you choose to leave.

Remember, you deserve to live a safe and happy life that is free from fear.