Hypergamy refers to the practice of marrying or entering a relationship with someone of a higher social standing. It is more commonly referred to as ‘marrying up.’

Hypergamy is the act of dating or marrying someone who has a higher social status or greater wealth. It is often seen as a way for someone to improve their social standing by increasing their access to resources such as money, social networks, or opportunities.

In popular culture, hypergamy often has negative connotations and is referred to as social climbing.

However, the act can also involve seeking out a partner who has high aspirations or ambitions in life. Some people see hypergamous relationships as extending beyond increasing wealth or status, but rather as a chance to find a partner who can support their personal growth and elevate them.

Learn more about what hypergamy is, how it shows up in relationships today, and some of the potential challenges it can lead to.

Hypergamy refers to the practice of marrying or entering a relationship with someone of a higher social standing. While the act is largely attributed to women, this isn’t always the case.

Historically, limited financial opportunities and a lack of legal property rights meant many women found hypergamous marriages as an opportunity to build financial security that otherwise would have been limited to them.

However, today, hypergamy can look different. A 2023 review found that men and women both ‘marry up,’ but for different reasons. For example, the review authors note that men may be more likely to enter a relationship with someone they deem more attractive compared to women.

Women were seen as more likely to marry a partner with greater wealth. However, it was noted that the gender pay gap can contribute to these decisions, too.

The values someone looks for in a partner can vary based on individual needs, cultural norms, and lived experiences.

Whether consciously or unconsciously, someone may seek out a hypergamous relationship to feel more secure and stable or to build a life with someone who already meets their own future aspirations.

Hypergamous relationships can be built on characteristics like:

  • appearance
  • education background
  • economic status
  • class
  • social network and influence

In many cases it can extend beyond increasing wealth or status, and instead result in people seeking our partners who have the ability to support their life goals and personal growth.

While entering into a hypergamous relationship can be a conscious choice, it can lead to some challenges.

This can include:

  • Negative effects on self-esteem. Hypergamous relationships may cause someone to feel less than or as though their partner has ‘married down.’ This can result in them constantly feeling as though they need to prove their worth, which can place strain on a relationship.
  • Relationship instability. If someone has entered a relationship based on the financial or social status of their partner, it may later lead to a yearning for an emotional connection or shared values.
  • Societal judgement. Being in a hypergamous relationship can sometimes lead to increased judgment or critique from others. It may also force the couple to constantly have to defend or justify their relationship.
  • Power imbalance. In certain situations, one partner may have a significantly bigger hold on resources such as finances or social networks. This may cause the other person to feel undervalued or become overly dependent on their partner. In some cases, this dynamic can lead to coercive control.
  • Creates uncertainty. The person in the relationship who has the higher social status or greater wealth may feel as though they haven’t been chosen as a partner but as a provider. This can place strain on the relationships and lead to doubt and uncertainty over time.

While we all look for specific traits in a partner that align with our values, research shows certain foundations are needed to build healthy and long-lasting relationships.

Characteristics of a healthy relationship can look like:

  • Emotional safety. This can involve feeling safe enough with your partner that you can express how you are feeling with honesty and vulnerability. Having emotional safety in a relationship can also mean you both feel secure enough to show up as your authentic selves.
  • Effective communication. This can look like actively listening to each other without judgment and seeking to listen and understand rather than respond.
  • Respecting boundaries. Ensuring that you both honor each other’s emotional and physical boundaries can help build a thriving relationship.
  • Comfort and support. This can include building a relationship where you both feel comfortable in each other’s presence and can offer support that reduces stress and anxiety.

These are just a few of the core foundations for a healthy relationship. What truly matters in building a strong and healthy relationship can look different for everyone and depend on your own needs and values.

Hypergamy refers to the practice of marrying or entering a relationship with someone of a higher social standing. It is more commonly referred to as ‘marrying up.’

However, in some cases it can extend beyond increasing wealth or status, and instead result in people seeking our partners who have the ability to support their life goals and personal growth.