Limerence describes an intense, obsessive infatuation for another person, known as the “limerent object” (LO). It often involves an intense fear of rejection and longing for reciprocation.

Unlike typical romantic attraction or lovesickness, limerence is marked by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and significant distress when feelings are unreciprocated or uncertain.

The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1979. While it’s not recognized as a clinical diagnosis, limerence shares characteristics with conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and can be a symptom of underlying psychological issues.

People experiencing limerence often report:

  • Intrusive thoughts: Persistent, involuntary thoughts about the LO.
  • Emotional dependency: Mood fluctuations based on perceived signs of reciprocation.
  • Idealization: Overlooking the LO’s flaws and attributing exaggerated positive qualities.
  • Physical symptoms: Heart palpitations, trembling, or nausea when thinking about or encountering the LO.
  • Behavioral changes: Difficulty focusing or functioning. Rearranging daily routines to increase chances of encountering the LO.
  • Feeling a lack of control: The person may have difficulty controlling their thoughts and behavior.

In some cases, limerance may lead to harmful behaviors like stalking.

According to theories of limerance, it often progresses through several stages:

  1. Pre-limerence: This stage begins with a general longing for love or connection, without a specific person in mind. A person is essentially in a “ready” state, waiting for signs of interest from someone to assign them the role of LO.
  2. Early limerence (pre-reciprocity): Their interest in one person begins to intensify, often based on subtle signals or gestures that are interpreted as possible reciprocation.
  3. Reciprocity: If the other person seems to return the interest, even partially, the limerence can deepen into an intense obsession. This phase may include intrusive thoughts, a strong emotional bond, and a need for reassurance.
  4. Dissolution: Over time, the emotional intensity may fade. This can lead to confusion, sadness, or even frustration. Some people may try to reignite those early feelings, while others experience a sense of loss. How this stage unfolds often depends on whether there was mutual involvement or clear communication between both people.
  5. Post-limerence: In this final phase, the obsessive feelings have faded completely. A person may begin to form more balanced, healthy relationships — or they may find themselves returning to a pre-limerence state, looking for new emotional intensity with a new LO.

The length of these stages can change from person to person. Limerant episodes can last weeks to decades.

Several factors may contribute to the development of limerence:

  • Attachment styles: People with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may be more susceptible.
  • Unmet emotional needs: Past traumas or unmet needs can manifest as obsessive attachments.
  • Biological factors: Neurochemical imbalances involving dopamine and serotonin may play a role.
  • Social and environmental factors: Isolation or lack of social support can exacerbate feelings of limerence.

That said, there is still a lot we don’t know about limerance. It needs to be studied further before experts fully understand the causes and risk factors for developing it.

Managing limerence involves a combination of self-awareness and therapeutic treatments.

This can include:

You might find it helpful to start by seeking a therapist who specializes in treating limerence, relationship challenges, and/or obsessive thoughts. Learn more about finding a therapist.

Limerence is a complex emotional state that, while not clinically recognized, can significantly impact your mental health and daily functioning.

If you find yourself experiencing symptoms of limerence, consider seeking support from mental health professionals to navigate and overcome these intense feelings.