We spoke with three people in various stages of menopause to learn more about their experiences with this life stage. Read what they had to say.
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Yet, according to the Mintel Women’s Wellness report from January 2024, 72% of women included in the survey reported feeling unprepared for what to expect in this stage of life. Additionally, 61% of women shared they hadn’t talked with others about menopause.
At Healthline, we want to change that. With so many people experiencing menopause on a yearly basis, no one should feel unprepared for this life stage.
To help demystify menopause, we recently spoke with three people, all in various stages of menopause, who agreed to share their experiences. Here’s what they had to say.
Health and wellness touch everyone’s life differently. These are three people’s stories. The views and opinions expressed are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Healthline Media.
Lynn: “Not really. I worked on a large scale study about menopause in my early 30s, so I knew a fair amount about it. Or should have. The most important takeaways were in support of the Margaret Mead, ‘menopausal zest’ idea that these years after the natural end of childbearing, raising, and having monthly periods actually had the potential to be a woman’s most powerful and fulfilling.
“All of that was great and empowering, but when it happened to me 20-something years later, I wouldn’t say I was prepared for the nitty-gritty.”
Heather: “I thought so, until I entered perimenopause. It’s not that I didn’t understand what menopause was; I was just light on the details. I thought going through menopause would be like PMS plus hot flashes. That was woefully misguided. There’s a laundry list of symptoms that a person may experience, and perimenopause can last a long time.”
Rita: “I was absolutely not prepared for menopause! It wasn’t on my radar at all, nor did I ever think I was nearing ‘that stage’ at any point. I think the fact that it happens at different ages and manifests in different ways creates a sort of disconnect. You don’t think about it or factor it into your life until it actually hits you one day: ‘Oh, it’s happening.’”
Lynn: “My mother, a pragmatic feminist, had dismissed it as ‘no big deal — I don’t know why people make such a fuss of it.’ [She] died right around when I was entering menopause, and I really wish I’d asked her more questions. But I have good friends I can and have compared experiences with.”
Heather: “Most of my friends — we’re riding this out together. Sometimes I talk with my mom and aunts about it, and they’ll say, ‘Oh, I remember that — it was awful’ or ‘I had hot flashes for 10 years’ or ‘My period was so out of control in perimenopause I needed to see a doctor.’ (That’s information I could’ve better utilized a few years ago, ladies.)”
Rita: “My mom and I are very close, and she went through menopause on the earlier side (late 40s) but didn’t experience any severe symptoms and didn’t share anything at the time, or even after. For her, menopause just wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t have women older than me who paved the way or set any expectations.
“Generally, it wasn’t talked about until recently when women (some of them famous — thank you, Naomi Watts, Halle Berry, Michelle Obama!) decided to flip the script.”
Lynn: “I remember asking my gynecologist if she could test my hormones once I knew it was approaching. She said it wasn’t something they did because levels are up and down throughout your cycle, and a snapshot of that one day wouldn’t tell you anything definitive.
“Also, I’m a breast cancer survivor, and my cancer was hormone receptor-positive, which means hormone therapy was off the table for me. At every oncology and gynecology appointment, I ask if there’s anything new on the market that’s safe for me. Sadly, the answer is always no. So unfair!”
Heather: “I did, and as a result, I started seeing a different doctor. When I suspected I’d started perimenopause, my main symptoms were hot flashes and night sweats. But then I noticed other things: unreasonable hunger, mood swings that felt completely out of my control, and a menstrual cycle that just … took a left. I went to see my gynecologist and she was so dismissive.
“I found a new doctor who listened to me, validated my experience, gave me even more information on perimenopause and menopause, and prescribed medication and lifestyle changes to alleviate some of my symptoms. And they worked!”
Rita: “I had one conversation with my primary doctor, who is female, regarding hormone therapy, and she shut it down pretty quickly. She said I didn’t need it and I could tell she was not a proponent of it, in general. In hindsight, I wish I had asked more questions to understand why.”
I found a new doctor who listened to me, validated my experience, gave me even more information on perimenopause and menopause, and prescribed medication and lifestyle changes to alleviate some of my symptoms. And they worked!
Lynn: “I do now. Though I wish there were clearer solutions other than hormone therapy. And that hormone therapy was something more standardized and well understood.”
Heather: “Right now there are a lot of Gen Xers in the throes of perimenopause who are talking about it and all the things that come with it. (Itchy ears? Who knew?) Social media is flooded with funny, relatable, and often educational stories about going through perimenopause or menopause. As a result, media companies have responded with a lot of content that doesn’t treat the subject as taboo, shameful, or something only to be whispered about.”
Rita: “There’s access to some information, but it’s the same stuff over and over. What I find most valuable is information that thinks beyond menopause. We all get through this stage, but what can we do now to set ourselves up for optimal health and well-being, not just during menopause but after?”
Lynn: “For years, I would wake up burning hot or soaking wet and have to throw off the covers, maybe change pajamas. Then I’d wake up again freezing, pull all the covers back on, and a couple hours later, rinse, repeat!
“I have friends who get much more dramatic ones, where they’re suddenly soaked. Like, their hair is sticking to their forehead.”
Heather: “Hot flashes are like a glowing ember in your chest that explodes into a raging fire through the top of your head. The kind of hot that makes you roll down the car windows in the dead of winter. The kind of hot that makes you take off multiple layers down to your T-shirt on the subway during rush hour, sincerely not caring who’s looking or what they think.
“On the recommendation of a friend (and the OK from my doctor), I started taking black cohosh, which dialed down the frequency and intensity of hot flashes. I also carry a cold bottle of water when I’m out and about.”
Lynn: “The tanking libido — that seems pretty universal. My friends who take hormone therapy say it helps a lot in that department. And irritability, too. That one’s probably the hardest symptom to isolate and ascribe to menopause. I still tend to think it’s that the world — and my husband — has just become more irritating.”
Heather: “My biggest symptoms at the moment are constant exhaustion, dry skin, and brain fog (i.e., I can’t remember anything). But night sweats, hot flashes, and mood swings aren’t quite done with me.”
Rita: “I haven’t had a tough time with menopause. Physically, the most noticeable symptoms were changes in my metabolism (menopause belly is real) and some night sweats, but not consistent or overbearing.
“I felt mood swings that I attributed to menopause — nothing unmanageable. Working out regularly and eating a ton of protein have been my antidotes for mood swings and energy dips.”
Lynn: “If you can, talk to your mother! And maternal aunts if you have any. Ask all the questions — everything you can think of. It seems that menopause timing and experience often track really closely to our moms.”
Heather: “Not everyone gets hot flashes, the symptom most associated with perimenopause. Learn about all the symptoms of perimenopause that you may experience so when they start cropping up, you’ll know what’s happening and how to deal with it.
“Don’t stick with healthcare providers who minimize your symptoms or won’t discuss the multitude of options for relief from symptoms. [And] talk to friends or family.”
Rita: “Menopause is so often portrayed poorly as something very unpleasant that you just need to survive. Not only is it not that — it is a chance to appreciate your body and connect with it on a new level. As hokey as it might sound, embrace the changes and see them as a new beginning rather than some kind of end.”
As hokey as it might sound, embrace the changes and see them as a new beginning rather than some kind of end.
Menopause can affect people in different ways. Find others to talk with, including trusted friends, family members, and a doctor.
And when it comes to doctors, keep in mind that some doctors are more well versed in menopause than others.
If you don’t feel you’re getting the support you need and it’s available to you, consider looking for a new doctor who specializes in menopause or has experience treating people in this stage of life.